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When Portland Seminary grad Pam Lau graduated with a master’s degree in technical journalism from Liberty University, her dream was to write on behalf of those who were voiceless. As her career has grown and expanded, God has called her to a different avenue for that dream: family law mediation.

“Part of our gospel calling is restoration,” Lau says. “I’ve seen so much conflict. In mediation, you might not always come to an absolute resolution, but you bring people together. And when you bring people together who don’t agree or don’t see life the same way, it’s an incredibly embodied experience.”

Lau works as a family law mediator for the state of Oregon in Multnomah County while also maintaining a private practice.

After starting a 28-year stint as a professor of communications and writing, including teaching at ×îÐÂÂ鶹ÊÓƵ, Lau was initially disappointed that her journalism career wasn’t taking off as planned. However, she soon realized God was calling her into ministry, so she started writing books and articles as well as speaking to women.

“It was through my calling into ministry that I started really listening to people, particularly college-age women,” Lau says. “I realized there was this huge gap for people. That’s when, through a lot of speaking and ministering around the nation, I fell by accident into mediation.”

Guiding Families Forward Meaningfully

Listening with intention has become a cornerstone of Lau’s work as a mediator.

“I’m not a therapist or a judge, I’m a mediator,” she says. “I come as a partner of listening, of enabling deeply held conversation. I reflect back to people what I believe they are saying and wanting. Then I bring people together and we begin with an agenda – we begin with proposals. I look for what’s underneath, and I call it forth.”

The path to becoming a fully certified law mediator is a lengthy process involving several training sessions and certifications. Although she was working as a mediator throughout the journey, it still took her six years to receive full certification.

As a mediator, Lau is intentional about meeting families where they’re at and moving forward with concrete solutions instead of dwelling on the past.

“I do discovery with people,” Lau says. “I check in with them one-on-one, and ask a lot of questions – I find out their side. And I’m not digging for a story. I don't want to know the past. In mediation, we want to know proposals. We want to know what your proposal is for a better future.”

A recent example of her hard work in mediation paying off was when two parents who had been in court for 10 years agreed to an in-person mediation with Lau, which came as a surprise to her, as they had little contact with each other during the litigation.

“I had no expectations except a conversation,” Lau says. “I didn’t go in thinking we’re going to come to agreements and this is all going to wrap in a nice bow, and everyone’s going to be happy. But because they were together and we were focused on starting over, right toward the end, one of the parents apologized to the other.”

Both Lau and the other parent receiving the apology were stunned.

“I have to really hold back my reactions and my responses, because that’s not my job,” she says. “Because the parent received the apology and because they saw the person, they went ahead and said, ‘I need to apologize, too.’ And it was this moment where no one could believe it happened. That was really rewarding. I don't get to see that all the time.”

Faith and Mediation

As a Christian, Lau sees Christ as the one providing the healing in mediation. However, with her work with Multnomah County, she doesn’t bring her faith into meetings. So when she needed a terminal degree to work as a family law mediator in Oregon, she wanted a degree that had a strong research foundation in Scripture.

Lau brought her idea for a thesis based on a biblical concept of conflict resolution to the director of doctoral programs at Portland Seminary, Clifford Berger. She was unsure if it would qualify for the Doctor of Leadership in Global Perspectives program.

“He said, ‘Absolutely,’” she says. “That was the clincher for me.”

While in the program, Lau admired the biblical foundation and strong theology the seminary held.

“I needed a safe place. I couldn’t be wondering if I was going to step into a kind of a trap,” she says. “The essentials were essential. But there was a place of deep acceptance for a broad band of theology – it wasn’t legalistic.”

The community environment was also an important part of Lau’s time at Portland Seminary.

“I needed to be a woman who was exploring leadership, and nobody was questioning that I was a woman,” Lau says. “I needed to be with people who look different than me and from all over. My cohort was from all over the world. That was a richness that you can’t find very easily. All of it was rooted in community.”

In addition to international trips made as part of the doctoral program, Lau conducted her research and interacted with professors in a deeply enriching way.

“Because I’ve already done my own books, it was such a gift to have the structure of the project to do research,” she says. “But the professors challenged me to unlearn some of the things I knew and be willing to admit what I didn’t know. That’s a good professor.”

Lau’s thesis, “A Plan for Cultivating Humility-Informed Conflict Resolution: A Supplemental Paradigm for Adaptive Leadership,” is based on the biblical character Caleb and his deep-rooted humility. She’s already been able to integrate the seven postures of humility into some of her mediation work.

For Lau, mediation comes down to approaching with humility, partnering in listening, and trusting in Jesus’ healing power.

“I’ve seen what mediation can do,” Lau says. “I’ve seen peace rise.”